There are days I wish I could change something that happened in the past. That is a thing and there is a word for it: Enouement. At the risk of being presumptuous, I feel all of us have such experienced such a jouska, one time or the other, and perhaps more often than not. As we come to the end of 2024, I would like to explore the year(s) passed and how should I move forward.
I have talked about regrets in my article #15 ( #15 Regretting Regrets, Regretfully…. ) where I talked about various regrets we may have and what we could do something about them or not (able to) do anything about them. This is a variation on that theme where I am exploring that are non-fixable. This is more wistful and wishful thinking of changing the course taken in the past. The trigger for engaging in an exercise of enouement are my life journeys that have been replete with such an angst that more often than not, reaching my destinations successfully resulted more in a relief (thank god it is over) than a sense of accomplishment.
Take for example my recent visit to a hummingbird sanctuary in Bogota. I was so excited to capture some great hummingbird shots from the greatest country in the world for varied hummingbird species. The journey started around 10am in the morning and the hummingbird sanctuary was about 40min away. As my luck would have it, there was an accident on our way up and after about an hour of being stand still, we were eventually rerouted. While this gave me a chance to see the back country (consolation prize?), it added about 2.5 hours to my journey. Then came the lunch hour and I had an opportunity to eat lunch at a hole in the wall cafe in a remote location where they accept only cash and can’t speak a word of English. Eventually we reached the sanctuary around 3pm. They waited for us and decided to lock up after waiting for us. Thank fully my savvy guide talked them into reopening the sanctuary.
I digress here momentarily. Any photographer who shoots hummingbirds know that to get that perfect shot, there should be 1) bright light, 2) a very high shutter speed to be used (1/2500s or faster), and 3) the ISO need be 1600 or more. Bright light is a necessary condition. The latter two are for capturing the fast-moving bird and amplifying the signals that are captured for relatively short duration. Here is an image that I “managed” to get under best of the circumstances. Bright light, camera on tripod, remote trigger with camera set to 1/1000s and ISO 1600. Even in that bright light I could not go above 1/1000s.
Back to sanctuary. By the time I arrived at the sanctuary, the sunlight disappeared, and it became cloudy and dark. Strike one! There were hardly any birds, and the conditions became utterly useless for capturing these fast-moving birds.
You can imagine my disappointment and frustration by taking a look at the picture below. It is dark and even at 1/500s and ISO6400. At that moment, my heart sank, and I resigned to my trip being a bust. My tour guide was way more optimistic, and I felt at that time he is trying to keep me in good spirits in kind of a litotes way. Perhaps, he is trying to salvage the trip for more tip.
I have another example which I briefly mention but will not elaborate lest this article becomes TLDR candidate, if not already. My first ever photographic tour internationally was to Iceland. The day I arrived my camera died. The day I landed and the day I left Iceland were the only two days the sky was blue with puffy clouds, and the days were bright. Every day in between was either raining or cloudy.
When I returned home dejected and disappointed, I realized my enouement was not entirely warranted as you can see from the images below. A far cry from the one above.
I believe I made my point. I have many more such examples to prove my point. Perhaps I will share them when one of future articles are written after I imbibed generous amount of libations.
Denouement: I have dealt with two different themes that are related especially to me, in this article. I had experienced exulansis when I talked about my journeys in the past, always brushed off as “woe is me”, or over thinking on my part. But it is what I went through and still go through, and I guess my demon to slay. I have come to realize that the reason why rearview mirrors are so small, and windshields are so big; where you are headed is much more important than what you have left behind. So, with that realization I am coming to terms with the fact that all my victories would be best classified as the proverbial pyrrhic victories, for I have one too many experiences that I may not enjoy. The silver lining is that I am singularly fortunate to have so many of those experiences.
Epilogue: As the year 2024 comes to an end I hope and wish you all were able to catch your own lightening in a bottle and seldom suffered from enouement, if at all. I hope and wish you all were able to realize your dreams or on your way to realizing them. As for me, I feel I have caught my lightening in a bottle, albeit a small portion of it. My engouement with photography is my lightening in the bottle, for when I hold my camera, I feel a certain calmness engulfs me and centers me, however momentarily the feeling may last.
