#7 Compromise is not same as Hygge

We have always been told that a successful relationship is all about compromises (aka give and take) and willing to compromise on contentious issues will help prolonging the longevity of that relationship. I have always had this nagging feeling of discontent when I “compromised” and I think it is true with others who had to “compromise” at my bidding.

I came across this expression called hygge ( http://hyggehouse.com/hygge ), pronounced hue-guh. It is one of those ideas that is very difficult to define precisely. In my interpretation, it is about that emotional state I have attained when I am content with life at that moment, whether it is an action that we took or a decision we made.

As I thought about compromise, I realized it is a layered concept, it could be a benign notion of reaching a middle ground or as I felt often a concession to something prejudicial. As I pealed the layer, I ended up with the definition that it is something done or agreed to usually grudgingly in order to reach an agreement or improve a situation. That was my aha moment, Grudgingly. That feeling was so subconscious that it never was obvious, but never the less present. It was the wolf in sheep’s clothing.

In my definition, a relationship has three dimensions.

Physical – Accept the other for what who he/she is, rather than become what who he/she wants you to be, worse yet change that he/she to be what you want.

Emotional – Invest in your partner’s interest. Does not mean you take up that interest, unless you want to, but invest

Intellectual – This is all about lead-follow spectrum. This not about compromise. Lead-follow is NOT same as compromise which is layered with concession and accompanying grudge. It is a willing embrace of other person’s strengths, and follow their lead.

Once I internalized the dimensions and have a notion of that composite dimensions defining my relationship with others, be it my wife, children, friends and other loved ones, it became very easy to be accepting changes rather than grudgingly go with the flow.

I have resolved to change my “compromises” to decisions that lead me to hygge, Since there is no one size fits all solution, it forced me to (re)define what a relationship means to me, whether it is between my wife and me, or with my friends and loved ones. I am still in the process of that transformation and I acknowledge it is not without its challenges.

Here is an example of compromise. It was taken at Pinnacles National Park. Due to arduous (for me) nature of the hike, I took a 8MP camera knowing very well that the park is a prime location for sighting California candor birds that have been saved from imminent extinction. The result is the following image which is not a very satisfying one, but at best a compromise as mentioned elsewhere in the article.

The following image is a an example of Hyggie to me. It was taken late evening, with combined weight of my camera and lens being around 5.3 lbs (~2.4 kilos), hand held shot, taken as a set of 9 images to extract most dynamic range out of the camera. The sense of satisfaction, nay a feeling of photographic “nirvana” I felt when I saw the final image made the effort worth while. The smugness that enveloped was very gratifying, albeit with a tinge of photographic narcissism.