When you make something worse in the act of trying to improve it, you “Verschlimbessern” the situation. And yes, Germans have a word for (almost) everything.
I was on a hike today with Jaya, and saw a group of three hiking in the opposite direction with a map. As is my wont in those situations, I would have approached them and offer to help them map out their hike path. Jaya nudged me, in jest of course, and asked me to offer them to map their hike instead of letting them exploring the trails. Her comment hit me like a bolt of lightening. At that moment it dawned on me that my “noble” gesture (albeit self perceived) of helping them, I may have deprived them an opportunity to explore and discover the trails themselves.
This musing has led me to a revelation about who I am (at least one aspect of me). I grew up a pampered child and some may have called me a spoiled brat. Consequently, I was always driven by a need to pamper others since I enjoyed being pampered a lot. I was so consumed by that compulsion that I become completely oblivious to the effect my gestures had on the recipients or the unintended consequence of my action. It became an egocentric engagement.
This introspection, triggered by a seemingly innocuous statement made by Jaya has helped me see with a clarity that lifted the clouds of disappointment I have felt for a while now. There were many times in the past I felt disappointed in myself, wondering will I ever get it right. I thought I had put in considerable thought into my gesture, with a good understanding of the person and the context. And yet, there were things small and large that resulted in me “verschlimbessern” the situation. Whether a surprise gesture going sideways or a simple comment taken differently than intended. Every time that happened I found fault with the universe, never once realizing, let alone acknowledging, that the root cause was simply me.
What is interesting about this epiphany is that it turned my theory (my friends say I have one for everything 🙂 ) on its head. More interestingly, I don’t know how it impacts me, moving forward. To walk away, may be not all the way, from an ingrained behavior, unlearn the old and relearn the new; let’s see if this old dog learns a new trick or two. Just because I loved to be pampered does not mean others would too, especially same way I love being pampered. I lived through the disappointments that were mainly of my making, and I am glad that seemingly innocuous statement made by Jaya, in jest, has resulted in such profound awareness about self.
Epilogue: In a way, I am glad this happened now rather than few years earlier. In 2013, Jaya and I were at Sky Bar (of Hangover 2 fame) in Bangkok, Thailand. This is a roof top bar with fabulous views of the city. It was late in the night and lighting was not very good. The challenge was to get your subject as well as the city lights. If a flash is used, then city lights would not show up.
But using a rear sync flash on my inexpensive Sony Nex5, I was able to get both Jaya and city lights with couple of caveats of course like one below.
As I was experimenting, I saw a young German couple standing next to me and the gent was trying in vain to get an image similar to the one below with his companion, but only managed to get the one like the one above, with city lights barely visible. Since I was still ailing with my “affliction” at that time :D, I asked him to give me his camera and set him up with rear sync flash setting on his Nikon, IIRC, and voila!!! He was happy. If they were to go through their album now, I know there is a happy camper somewhere in Germany or where ever he is now, who was glad that I volunteered to give him (or forced upon him) an impromptu photography class on a crowded roof top bar at 820 above the street level.
The image would have been much sharper had I used a tripod. A roof top bar packed with patrons is not a place for tripod and no room for it. The image below was taken at 1/6sec with camera resting on my elbow, a make shift tripod technique.
One of the things I mentioned in my weight management class was that my walks and hikes with Jaya has improved our communications since we get to talk about various things in our life. TI said that was an unexpected bonus in addition to weight loss. Today is a prime example of how those chats (while I am huffing and puffing) has triggered an interesting muse and an epiphany.
