As the saying goes. Then why is it so difficult to admit truth, let alone embrace it? I talked about being an ultracrepidarian in one of my previous articles and searching for an answer (#21). After so many attempts at trying to answer the question “why me”, I finally realized my quest to find answer is somewhat masked by my subconscious comparison with others. Who knew that comparison is a thief of joy and happiness. It took me more than three years of being in denial of the inevitability, to ultimately garner enough courage and admit to myself at the least, the truth – A disastrous epilog to an otherwise not so illustrious career. I could not admit to it sooner, because I was hoping against hope that somehow, I will manage to avoid the inevitable. Alas it was not to be my lot. That was the elephant in the room that only I could see, as it turns out.
Recently I read somewhere that the most difficult thing to do is to walk away from one you assumed to be. Could that answer the question “why me”? Take for example the images below. The “assumed me” thought they were very good images.
I submitted them to different competitions and the feedback was very similar. They were lacking “something or the other”. We know that the judging involves so much subjectivity that it is neigh impossible to read the minds of the judges. But I digress. The question is why I did not rethink my contribution. Why it was difficult to walk away from my “assumed me”? Could it be that being a self-admitted ultracrepidarian prevented me from admitting the truth and thus feeling liberated? Or is it that, more often than not, I handle others’ accomplishments more nimbly, than my own? By the way, I hasten to add it is not the competitions or the results that is the point of discussion, the gist being how I acted and reacted or not, to the situation.
Bottom line is that truth IS liberating. Embracing it, is difficult in some situations where you felt your “assumed me” version is what rest of the world (and perhaps including self) is the reality and I am striving, nay struggling to calibrate the real me (truth) to the “assumed me” persona.
This article is more of a ramble and I really strived to keep the tone not one of desperation. I am not wallowing in self-pity. No! it is not a cry for help either. As has been my wont, I am merely sharing my thoughts, and emotions that I go through at times, perhaps not as coherent as some of my previous articles. As I look back and look at my life, I am blessed, and I am lucky to have what I have: friends, family, marital bliss, familial happiness, and not having to worry about tomorrow, in many ways. Well, here hoping to continue not worry about tomorrow at the least.
